To truly let go, I had to meet you first

I wake up at 3:18. My eyes feel as though they're opening in slow motion. I feel strangely at peace, almost optimistic about the day ahead. It wasn’t going to be a special day; it was suppose to be a normal Monday and yet I feel happy.

I close my eyes, turn around, fall asleep and wake up to this dream: there’s a car chase going on. Police cars are everywhere and they’re looking for someone. All of a sudden a car stops and my brother is in the front seat with a woman with blond hair behind the wheel. Very casually I get in the back seat. We start driving but no one says a word; the woman turns the siren on whenever needed. We stop just before a gas station, because my brother needs to get something. When we’re alone, the woman turns to me and says: “You have a son right?” To which I again casually and with all conviction reply: “Yeah, I do.”

“What’s his name?” she asks.

I open my mouth to say his name and suddenly realise I can’t remember. I look at her hoping she can help me remember. I find it strange that I have no idea what my son’s name is or where he is or how he looks like or who’s taking care of him because it’s obvious I am not.

At that moment my brother returns and I feel relief. I am certain he will know.

I turn to him: “I do have a son, right?”

He replies: “Yeah, look.” He shows me pictures of him on his phone.

“Well, who’s taking care of him?”

“I am”, my brother replies surprised.

I go through the pictures of my son and he’s quite grown and he’s smiling and looks happy.

“Oh, I’m glad he’s ok” I say and a strong sense of relief and peace overcomes me.

“So what is his name, I can’t seem to remember.”

My brother looks at me and at that moment I can feel my body pulling me out of my dream. When I find myself in my bed again the answer comes to me so suddenly I barely manage to catch it.

There is no name to remember.