Confessions of an addict

On January the third I made a decision. It was a good one. And I sticked to it for 5 months.
The sixth month was not that bad, I was still able to control myself. Even if I broke the promise, I made to myself for a day, I got back on my feet the next day. I didn't brake often. Usually when a special occasion occured. But I was ok the next day. There was always the next day.
I'm afraid I'm falling again. I don't wanna be there again, but it's coming towards me like an unstoppable train. I can see it hitting right in my face. And I'm trying to stop it so hard it hurts. But I can't. My lack of discipline and will is the train's fuel.
I don't know where it all went. I need that decision I made to grow inside me again. There's just nothing to water it, to make it grow like it used to. I lost my next day.

I wanted to tell you the clearer version of what I'm feeling right now. But when I laid my fingers on the keyboard something else came out. It doesn't matter really. All I can say is I envy people who never have to burden themselves with something as common as food.