14 dni

Vau dejansko odhajam. Do danes nisem imela občutka, da resno grem. Vem, da je "samo" štiri mesece, ampak občutki so končno prišli do zavesti. Malo strahu primešanega vznemirjenosti in dobro začinjeno z žalostjo. Ob doživljanju vsega tega si niti ne znam predstavljati kaj se je moji P. motalo po glavi, ko je prvič odhajala v London. In to pri 18. letih in sama. V neznano.
Pogrešala bom pogled na našo ulico, ko prihajam domov iz domžalske strani. Pogrešala bom nepopravljivo grbino na začetku ulice, ki ti vedno pove:" Horuk! Spet si doma!" Pogrešala bom šunder na ulici, lenobni zamah roke v pozdrav naše Tete M., še celo otročje vriskanje pod balkonom:). Pogrešala bom moje račke in peščico ljudi, ki so mi res blizu.
Grem v neznane kraje, med neznane ljudi naproti dogodivščinam, ki bodo v meni pustile tisoč in en spomin.
Spoznala bom ogromno novih ljudi, doživela marsikatero stvar, pridobila kakšno izkušnjo, a ko bom čez 134 dni zopet zapeljala čez grbino bom nosila velik nasmeh in ogromno prigod za vedno ohranjenih v spominu.

Confessions of an addict

On January the third I made a decision. It was a good one. And I sticked to it for 5 months.
The sixth month was not that bad, I was still able to control myself. Even if I broke the promise, I made to myself for a day, I got back on my feet the next day. I didn't brake often. Usually when a special occasion occured. But I was ok the next day. There was always the next day.
I'm afraid I'm falling again. I don't wanna be there again, but it's coming towards me like an unstoppable train. I can see it hitting right in my face. And I'm trying to stop it so hard it hurts. But I can't. My lack of discipline and will is the train's fuel.
I don't know where it all went. I need that decision I made to grow inside me again. There's just nothing to water it, to make it grow like it used to. I lost my next day.

I wanted to tell you the clearer version of what I'm feeling right now. But when I laid my fingers on the keyboard something else came out. It doesn't matter really. All I can say is I envy people who never have to burden themselves with something as common as food.